you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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