dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I could make wine with my vomit
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.