it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..