6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)