I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing