What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk is a universal language darling
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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