saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Who died my cat blue again?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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