My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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