I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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