I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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