you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize