When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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