it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
