It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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