I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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