I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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