You made me cry and you don't even care
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe