reminds me of losing my job
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.