i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.