does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.