FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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