before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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