When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
