I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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