Taylor Swift is so right about you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?