i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight