who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.