I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.