I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
