You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize