you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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