A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
