Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You pole danced in your parka.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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