you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
