OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
