I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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