these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
