I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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