we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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