Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
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Semen is not good for contacts.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?