Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S