my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon