so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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