Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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