I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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