Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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