and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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