I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
