im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
