At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize