All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
