I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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