I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
