My girlfriend figured out who you are.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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