Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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