I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
