The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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