I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
