We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
