i permit you to call me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
