i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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